Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) #2 - Our Last Viable Embryo
September 28, 2023
Yesterday, I took my first birth control pill of my final frozen embryo transfer cycle. If you haven’t followed and read my prior posts - when we did IVF back in 2020 we wound up with 3 viable embryos after a total of 52 retrieved eggs across 2 IVF cycles. The number of eggs was retrieved was HUGE - unheard of numbers. But most of the embryos never even made it to Day 5 blastocysts, and after genetic testing, only 3 were even viable for transfer (the others had genetic issues, which would lead to miscarriage or potential disabilities).
On November 11, 2020 - we transferred our “Best” embryo, which led to a positive pregnancy test on November 20.
Fast forward a few years to February of 2023. We were ready to begin the process for Baby #2. At the time we imagined we’d be pregnant by April. It would be so easy this time! No egg retrievals and worrying about whether we’d end up with any viable embryos. Our embryos were ready to go. This would be a breeze. Boy were we wrong! We underwent:
A baseline testing cycle and getting me on the appropriate vitamins - read more here
A hysteroscopy (surgery to remove a polyp) - read more here
A failed embryo transfer (our 2nd embryo) - read more here
An endometrial receptivity analysis (ERA or “Mock transfer”) - read more here
Now, here we are - eight long months later and finally beginning our final frozen embryo transfer (FET) with our last viable embryo. I haven’t quite put my finger on my feelings just yet. There’s a lot of them happening all at once, colliding in my brain and confusing me a bit. On the one hand, I’m relieved and excited that we are finally here. On the other, I’m feeling a little trepidacious and worried. After our failed transfer back in May, I was completely devastated. The only thing that kept me strong was knowing we had another embryo left. I don’t have that safety net this time. Thankfully, at least for NOW, the excitement and relief that it’s finally happening is much greater than the latter. That may change as we get closer to the transfer and most certainly following the embryo transfer, but for now I can live in this more positive mindset.
I am taking it one day at a time. I’m doing what I’m supposed to do; taking the right vitamins and medications, eating well, exercising, refraining from alcohol and caffeine, drinking plenty of water, keeping my feet warm, going to my doctor appointments, going to my acupuncture appointments, getting the medications ordered on time, planning ahead and trying to remove all stressors from my life. If I try and focus on what I need to accomplish individually each day and try to refrain from thinking too far ahead into the future - about the transfer and the two week wait (TWW) - it’s better for my mental health.
I can’t say I haven’t let my mind get ahead of itself and thought about being pregnant or having our 2nd child here with us. Particularly the fact that the transfer date will likely be VERY close to the date we transferred the very 1st embryo that became our daughter, Mila. Based on the ERA cycle, which was 40 days - we’d be doing the transfer right around November 7 or 8. Only 3-4 days earlier than the first (November 11). I’ve joked about how crazy it will be to have 2 kids with birthdays potentially within a week of one another! How wild the Birthday parties will be and the overload of presents and cake and celebration. I think about throwing them joint parties for several years until they’re old enough to want to do their own parties because they like different things. I think about how they might be as siblings and how they’ll play together. How Mila might be as a big sister to a newborn. She’s in a stage where she loves her dolls so much and cares for them like her own little babies. I can just imagine what a sweet and helpful older sister she’d be.
But then my brain says, “Whoa there Jenna! Let’s not get too excited.” It can only make things harder if things don’t work out. In IVF circles we often use the term “cautiously optimistic” when it comes to thinking about the outcome. It’s kind of a BS phrase. Optimistic is optimistic, whether it’s cautious or not. If I’m thinking optimistically - I’ve got stories in my mind of the great things that may be and no matter whether I’m “cautiously optimistic” or not - it’s going to break me into pieces if this doesn’t work.
I try not to think of the scenario in which things don’t work out. It’s not productive and it will only make things harder. At least thinking about all the great things keeps my mind and heart in a better place for now.
So anyway, here we go for the next 6 weeks! Follow along with me and enjoy the ride. I hope we can all celebrate together in the end.
And as always, if you are someone going through your own fertility journey and you just need someone to hear you, someone to talk to who understands what you’re going through and can empathize with the rollercoaster of emotions - I am here. Don’t hesitate to reach out through my Contact page or DM me on Instagram.
